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I’ve been with my now husband for over 5 years now…my sex drive used to be great and now its non existent (which is really freaking frustrating!) I’d say the only change over the past 5 years has been stress and maybe confidence in my body? nothing with my birth control etc…Orgasms also used to happen all the time, now they never do…any tips on how to manage?
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My sex drive has definitely been struggling for a while now. I think mine might be related to my birth control pills, so I’m going to try a lower hormone IUD soon.
But I also think it’s the stress of our current times. I just feel like I’m always stressed about something in the news or something at work, so I can never really relax. When I’m not relaxed, it’s so hard for me to get in the mood.
This thread has a lot of great tips that I’m going to try. Thanks ladies!
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Thank you, Natalie!! I appreciate this advice! I’m going to give your tips a whirl. If anything it’s great to know i am not alone here! I just feel so bad because I never want it to come off as rejection to my husband!!
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Hi! This is a struggle for me too for times that I try to have sex with my boyfriend and I mentally want to but I’m hardy wet and it starts to hurt so he stops. He doesn’t make me feel bad about it but it makes me feel like something is wrong with me! But other days, it’s been ready to go so I am also curious what other women say about this subject. Thank you Natalie for your advice!
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I feel you on this!! A few thoughts.
You’re not alone when feeling pain with sex sometimes. It’s really nice that you have a supportive boyfriend. My fiance who is super techy and loves to search the web, did some research after I told him sex sometimes hurts. He was like “wow this happens to a lot of women!!” Go figure. I asked my gyno about it and she really was not that helpful but told me to do more foreplay (which I do) and use lube.
I decided to change my mindset/relationship to sex a little bit. Sex doesnt have to mean intercourse and connecting through kissing, massage, other activities can form intimate connections without pain! Sometimes just doing that is nice.
I think it is important to remember we’re in crazy times these days and stress is high which for me and I am sure others usually leads my body to feel stressed AKA not relaxed and not in the mood. So I put that into perspective. I also think its important to drop any narrative of how often you should have sex, etc. I think its personal and depends on you and your partner and where you are in life (and where life is with current events, other stressful things).
Sex stopped hurting so much honestly after I talked to my fiance about it. I think being open and communicating was really helpful. I explained that it wasn’t that I did not want to have sex, but that it hurt when we did! That took some pressure off. Starting really slowly honestly helped a lot too. And sometimes just staying completely still or moving really slow the whole time is needed. And then, if it hurts, saying we need to stop or get to the end quickly 😉 I try to communicate about what feels nice and doesn’t much more these days.
I agree too with Natalie that connecting to you and your body is so important to help you relax and get in the mood to enjoy connecting with your partner.
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I am so glad this is being spoken about. I have been with my partner for 7 years, married for 2. In the last 3 years or so my sex drive has plummeted. I know I am sensitive to hormone medication which is why I am on the copper IUD. For a while, I blamed my Zoloft perscription and even went off Zoloft despite how much it helped my anxiety. My anxiety came back but my libido didn’t 🙁 . Thank you, Natalie, for your advice!
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GIRL!
Thank you for starting this conversation because I was just asking my girlfriend about this last week.
I’m not married, but I have been with my boyfriend for 2 year (next month) and I am always READY TO GO and have the best orgasms…but lately I have had NO DRIVE. Its like a fricken desert down there and its super embarrassing when my boyfriend is trying to set the mood but then stops bc I’m so dry.
After talking to my married girlfriends and reading a few articles this is what I learned. (Nothing is medical or from doctors but just my experience)
– Women are SO mental and all in our heads. I have to mentally be wanting to connect or have sex and turned on but I have to set the right mindset for myself. I have to be really relaxed that means mediating, or having a glass of wine or whatever works for you, because if I am stressed and thinking about “lifes worries” nothing is going to happen.
– I also started readying aortic books. I bet the year 50 shades of Gray came out there as a baby boom lol. BUT when I am reading about sex and flirting, it gets me in the mood and my mind creates real life scenarios I can create. Super helpful!
– Sex Stores. Dress up, role play, buy a wig, make it fun and try new things! Again the wine helps lol maybe even tequila
– Working out and eating healthy. For me I have to feel comfortable in my own skin to be my best self and confident. I always notice when I am feeling off, my sex drive definitely drops.
I hope this helps, let me know!
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