Home Forum Topics Sexual Health Where’d my sex drive go? Reply To: Where’d my sex drive go?

#1686
Marisa

I feel you on this!! A few thoughts.

You’re not alone when feeling pain with sex sometimes. It’s really nice that you have a supportive boyfriend. My fiance who is super techy and loves to search the web, did some research after I told him sex sometimes hurts. He was like “wow this happens to a lot of women!!” Go figure. I asked my gyno about it and she really was not that helpful but told me to do more foreplay (which I do) and use lube.

I decided to change my mindset/relationship to sex a little bit. Sex doesnt have to mean intercourse and connecting through kissing, massage, other activities can form intimate connections without pain! Sometimes just doing that is nice.

I think it is important to remember we’re in crazy times these days and stress is high which for me and I am sure others usually leads my body to feel stressed AKA not relaxed and not in the mood. So I put that into perspective. I also think its important to drop any narrative of how often you should have sex, etc. I think its personal and depends on you and your partner and where you are in life (and where life is with current events, other stressful things).

Sex stopped hurting so much honestly after I talked to my fiance about it. I think being open and communicating was really helpful. I explained that it wasn’t that I did not want to have sex, but that it hurt when we did! That took some pressure off. Starting really slowly honestly helped a lot too. And sometimes just staying completely still or moving really slow the whole time is needed. And then, if it hurts, saying we need to stop or get to the end quickly 😉 I try to communicate about what feels nice and doesn’t much more these days.

I agree too with Natalie that connecting to you and your body is so important to help you relax and get in the mood to enjoy connecting with your partner.